Monday, July 14, 2014

Bagels

Comments in this thread at LGM, remind me of my favorite food axiom.

There are five kinds of bagels:

Bagels with seeds (poppy, sesame, or salt)

Bagels from the allium family (onion or garlic)

Egg

Plain

Pumpernickle

That's it.  Anything else is a pastry.   Blueberry - pastry.  Cinnamon-raisin - pastry.  Green chile bagel?  - Not only is it a pastry, but it is an abomination against God and man ... and woman... and child. 

The test is:  would you put fish on it?  If the answer is no, it's not a bagel.

UPDATE:  RAF's Facebook discussants point out that I left salt off the list.  In the past, I included salt in the "bagels with seeds" category since the salt is kind of like the poppy and sesame on the outside of the bagel.  My tastes have changed over time (or it's harder to find Nova that isn't too salty) and thus I dropped salt from the list, but this is a personal preference.  I have restored salt to it's proper place.  I am interested in feedback on rye bagels. 

3 comments:

  1. My preferred bagels are plain, poppyseed, onion, and sesame seed, in that order. Glad to hear that my tastes are orthodox (or would that be kosher?). Anyway, I like your concluding questions; it posits a helpful and not-easily-misinterpreted rule. I hope you won't mind if I put it to a couple of additional authorities on the matter, however.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You should read Borges' "The Bagels of Babylon". Seventeen varieties there; including those eaten by the Caliph, those whose essence is square, and those depicted in synagogue tapestries.

    ReplyDelete